9 Insults we Learned From Steve Urkel

To anyone who has never seen Family Matters, which features America’s favorite nerdy next door neighbor, Steven Q. Urkel: you are seriously missing out.


This show was my life in middle school. My dad bought me all 37 discs of the show – and this was the first thing I got taken away whenever I got grounded – because it most definitely was a priority over any chore or over any boy.

While Steve taught us valuable lessons, such as: “if you fill your heart with hope, there isn’t any room for hurt,” he also taught us that sometimes “sudden unreasonable displays of anger are occasionally caused by an impacted bowel.”

Here are some insults we learned from Steve Urkel:

  1. Buzz off, you ugly little slug.
  2. I bet you were up all night putting that sentence together. You must be exhausted. Why don’t you sit down; but not too hard. You don’t want to crush your brain.
  3. You put the “ick” in pathetic.
  4. Go brush your teeth.
  5. Good lord, read a book.
  6. Is that your face or did your neck throw up?
  7. If I had a nickel for every time someone called me E.T., I’d have just enough money to buy you a much needed makeover.
  8. You’re grouchier than a camel with athletes foot.
  9. Oh that’d make me scared too…. if I was five.

Like, why don’t we use these? Or does only Steven Q. Urkel have enough guts to use these?



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